LONDON– In preparation for the upcoming transition from English common law to Islamic sharia law, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer used taxpayer money to issue a copy of the Quran to all Labour Party members to help ease the conversion and get all the politicians more well-versed on how they will be governing British citizens.
While posing for photographs with their Qurans in hand, UK PM Starmer addressed the nation on all of the upcoming changes, what people need to do to prepare, and how being under the thumb of the antiquated, authoritarian sharia law will affect everyone’s daily lives.
“Assalamualaikum, all citizens of the UK,” said Starmer before laying the book down on the podium to flip through some of the pages. “As some of you may be aware, the government of the United Kingdom is under construction, so to speak, in an effort to upgrade our old-fashioned English law to the even older fashioned and more oppressive, tyrannical sharia law. We thank you for your patience as we strive to destroy your lives even further.”
The prime minister explained some of the upcoming changes, including the required clothing for men and women when in public, the removal of all freedoms, and other methods of punishment such as removing a woman’s eyes for accidentally looking out of the window of her husband’s home.
Starmer added that fasting will be required for everyone and should be fairly simple because there won’t be much to consume being that him and his fellow elites will be hoarding it all for themselves.
