OTTAWA, CANADA– Breaking news out of Canada this morning after disgraced Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced his resignation, saying he will be stepping down immediately and replaced by his lovely sister Justine Trudeau.
After announcing his resignation to the cheers of millions of people, Justin Trudeau told the crowd of news reporters to stay where they are because he was going to go inside of his home and have his sister come out to speak to the press and accept her new role as prime minister of The Great White North country.
“Hello, everyone, I’m Justine Trudeau, Justin Trudeau’s very real sister,” said Justine with a high-pitched voice as she scratched her beard. “I am honored to serve as Canada’s prime minister in my brother Justin’s place. It’s about time anyway that Canada had a very feminine, female as your prime minister. My, um, brother Justin will probably be disappearing mysteriously for a while, so let’s try to move forward and not ask too many questions, eh.”
Confused Canadian news reporters mumbled amongst themselves before they started bombarding Justine with questions about whether Justine Trudeau was just Justin Trudeau wearing a dress and makeup so that he could remain as prime minister.
“How dare you question my gender?” Justine snapped at reporters, readjusting her balls. “Anyone who questions whether I’m really Justin’s sister is a sexist, misogynist, racist who hates women in power. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back inside and shave my beard.”
