SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– After declaring a state of emergency over rising cases of bird flu, Governor Gavin Newsom has announced that he will be issuing all-new poop-scented disposable masks to state residents so that everyone can still smell the rotten stench of California while they’re masked up.
While wearing one of the new brown, poop-scented masks, Newsom gave a press conference to announce that he has brought back the mask mandate and will be shipping out the poop masks to all California citizens this week.
“Great news, California, the mask mandate is back,” said Gavin Newsom as he laughed behind the brown mask. “My health department, in conjunction with local news media, has contrived a new mass hysteria of another fake viral pandemic just so I can control my subjects with an iron fist, and that includes forcing everyone to mask up. But not to worry, my new poop-scented masks will still let everyone enjoy that wonderful smell of homeless poop wafting through my state.”
Newsom went on to say that the new poop-scented masks will be free of charge, other than a small tax of $669 per person to cover the costs related to the fecal-fragranced face masks.
At publishing time, a controversial photo began circulating on social media of Gavin Newsom dining inside of a restaurant wearing a Florida ocean air-scented mask rather than one of his California poop masks.
