WASHINGTON– Only days after the DNC performed a coup d’é·tat on him in an effort to rig Vice President Kamala Harris in as the Democrat candidate, Joe Biden called his friend Bernie Sanders and discussed how they were both undemocratically thrown out of the race and replaced by an annoying, cackling woman.
“Yeah, yeah, I know exactly how you feel, Joe,” said Bernie to Biden as he tried consoling him. “I too was screwed over by the Democrat party who also cheated to get rid of me and have a cackling old hag take my spot. I can still hear her loud, grating voice in my head every time I visit my third home.”
Biden said he’s still not exactly sure what happened, and said he only chose Kamala as his running mate in 2020 because he thought she would never replace him due to her being the most disliked, unpopular, and lowest scoring candidate during the primaries.
“But, hey, at least you got to play pretend president once, unlike me,” said a teary-eyed Bernie, blowing his nose into a wad of hundred dollar bills. “I was told, just take this money and this home and shut up and then endorse the cackling crone or you might end up on Hillary’s long list of ex-friends.”
At publishing time, Kamala had chosen Hillary Clinton as her running mate and the two spent their entire time cackling while stabbing each other in the back, eventually just cancelling each other out.
