BUTLER, PENNSYLVANIA– While doing a thorough investigation of the scene where a gunman tried assassinating Donald Trump, Secret Service agents were super-duper lucky to just happen to find a clean, brand new Iranian passport left at the scene of the crime, only one day after authorities tried convincing the American people that Iran was behind the horrific incident.
The head of the Secret Service Kimberly Cheatle gave an emergency press conference to reveal the startling news that they had located the passport that was left behind and reiterated that they believe Iran was behind the attack, and not deep state individuals working within the United States government trying to stop Trump from becoming president.
“Our agents uncovered an Iranian passport left at the scene of the attempted assassination of former President Trump,” said Secret Service Director Cheatle with a straight face. “Imagine our genuine surprise when we were lucky enough to find this passport which proves that Iran was behind the attack, and definitely not us, or the CIA, or Mossad, Obama, or the Biden administration, Yep, it was totally Iran.”
Cheatle kept repeating how lucky they were to find that passport that was totally organic and not just placed there by them, and said that it was reminiscent of the passports found at the scene of the 911 attacks.
“The Iranian government sent in an expert named The Dictator to take out Trump,” said Cheatle as her nose started growing on camera. “At least that’s the name on the totally legitimate passport we found. Our team has surmised that The Dictator is a former dictator from North Africa who was working for Iran who was getting paid by Russia to assassinate Trump in order to get Trump elected. I know this sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but it really doesn’t”
Cheatle said other items also found at the scene backing up their claim that Iran was behind the attack were an autographed photo of Supreme Leader Khamenei, a Persian chicken kebab, and a set of keys to a camel.
