OTTAWA, CANADA– In an effort to tackle the dangerous climate change epidemic ravaging Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has introduced a new oxygen tax that will force Canadians to pay for the amount of air that each person takes in.
After breathing in a few deep breaths of oxygen to give yet another longwinded speech, Justin Trudeau told news reporters that Canadians are taking in too much oxygen and that in turn is destroying the environment.
“In addition to my reasonable carbon tax, I will also be implementing a new tax on oxygen,” said Trudeau as he took a deep breath and held it in. “Every time a Canadian subject breathes in oxygen they are emitting dangerous carbon that is polluting our planet. So if you want to breathe then you have to pay. Perhaps this necessary tax will curb some of the dangerous breathing that is happening across my country.”
Trudeau went on to say that if Canadians are having trouble paying the oxygen tax then they can just simply stop breathing.
“I will be creating a new task force to monitor the amount of oxygen Canadians are breathing in,” said Trudeau. “I will not tolerate anyone breathing in free air then refusing to pay my generous 98 percent tax. Anyone caught breathing and not paying will be sentenced to a minimum of sixty-nine years in a COVID detainment center where they will be vaccinated three times a day with the totally safe and effective death shot, I mean, COVID vaccine.”
In addition to both the carbon tax and the oxygen tax, Trudeau said that he also plans on creating a heartbeat tax that will tax how many times a day someone’s heart beats dangerous climate polluting blood.
