PIERRE, SOUTH DAKOTA– After facing nationwide backlash from both Republicans and Democrats alike for killing her dog, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem tried apologizing to the millions of dog lovers around America by shooting her pet cat Whiskers.
During an interview on Fox News, Governor Kristi Noem was gleeful as she told the millions of angry dog owners the good news that she had executed her 6-year old pet tabby cat as a way to extend an olive branch so people would forget about the farm dog murder.
“Personally I can’t understand why so many people are angry that I blew a giant hole in my dog with a shotgun,” Noem told Dana Perino as the Fox News host tried holding back vomit. “So to try and keep my political career alive, I have officially apologized to the dog lover community by shooting my cat with an AR-15 rifle.”
When asked by anchor Perino if killing a cat was the best way to say she was sorry, Noem rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, it wasn’t that bad, Dana, you big softie. Don’t worry, it was a painless death for that cat, other than when it was twitching and groaning for a couple minutes while in the throes of death.”
Once Americans had became incensed that she had also killed a cat, Noem then had to apologize once again by holding the head of one of her horse’s underwater.
