HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA– The Oscars awards show was a big hit last night and the highlight of the evening was WWE wrestler and current actor John Cena walking out onto the stage completely naked and having a surgeon castrate him on stage in front of his laughing Hollywood peers during a routine celebrity humiliation ritual.
An obviously nervous Cena waddled out onto the stage while a surgeon dressed in scrubs and holding very sharp scissors waited for the brawny wrestler to come have his feminized testicles removed as entertainment for the elite crowd of freaks.
“Relax, John, this won’t hurt a bit,” said the surgeon assuredly as he placed the cold metal against Cena’s trembling body. “Ah, who am I kidding? This is going to be extremely painful and you’re probably going to scream like a little girl, but we’ll all enjoy watching you emasculate yourself for money.”
The crowd of Hollywood perverts hooted and hollered as Cena stood there embarrassing himself to be able to make it into the elite Hollywood club.
After Cena got carried off the stage on a stretcher, Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel congratulated John on becoming one of them and reminded everyone that selling your soul has a price.
“It’s not like he was using those anyway,” said Kimmel, joking about Cena losing his nuts. “Now make sure you all go online and sign up for Joan, I mean John, Cena’s new OnlyFans page. I hear she’ll do anything for money.”
