WASHINGTON– Joe Biden has officially signed into law a controversial bill that could permanently ban TikTok, and the president was quick to tell the Chinese-owned video sharing service that the reason he’s getting rid of them is because they forgot to send a ten percent kickback to the Big Guy.
It was a bittersweet moment for Biden after signing the TikTok ban, but knew it was necessary to show everyone else what would happen if they didn’t fall in line and send the Big Guy his ten percent cut of the money.
“Anyone else want to get banned from the United States?” Biden asked a roomful of various tech platform company heads in a surprisingly coherent moment. “I can’t have all these companies running around roughshod thinking they can do whatever they want with impunity without giving the Big Guy his fair share.”
Biden later phoned the CEO of TikTok to put a little pressure on the video service, telling them that not all hope is lost just yet.
“I’ll give you stupid bastards another chance,” said Biden over the phone. “I’ll let you do business here in America again, but this time the Big Guy wants twenty percent. I have to raise it another ten percent because of this soaring inflation thanks to whoever the horrible president is right now destroying the country.”
After negotiating back and forth for a few days, the shrewd businessman Biden worked out the deal of a lifetime with TikTok where he would end up paying them ten percent.
