EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND– During a rant in a video that has began circulating recently, surprised First Minister of Scotland Humza Yousaf was legitimately confused as to why there are so many white people living in the majority white country.
“What the hell’s going on here, lads?” Humza asked in the video, trying to put forth his best impression of what a real Scottish person would sound like. “Never in my life have I seen so many white people in one land as I have here in Scotland. It’s almost as if this was always a predominately white country, or something.”
Humza, who is a Pakistani Muslim, became Scotland’s first minister when yada yada yada the last woman resigned and Humza was sworn in without any input or vote from the actual voters of Scotland.
“I’m oppressed and I don’t even feel like I belong here,” complained Humza while serving in the country’s highest position. “There’s too many white people here. Every high court judge is white. Chief constable is white. Every prison governor’s white. Every medical officer’s white. Most buildings here are white. White walls. White ceilings. White cars. Oh, my Allah, even my shirt’s white. I’m being ambushed by racists.”
After having a nervous breakdown due to being surrounded by so many white things, Humza made it a hate crime to be white and had a law passed that forces every white person in Scotland to wear blackface to cover their white skin.
“At least that’s not racist,” said Humza, referring to white people wearing blackface.
