WASHINGTON– In an effort to take down any dangerous extremists with the intention of making America great again, DOJ Special Counsel Jack Smith has subpoenaed any American citizen who may have visited one of Donald Trump’s casinos during their lifetime, read the book The Art of the Deal, or watched any episode of the TV show The Apprentice.
During a serious press conference, Attorney General Merrick Garland gave the American people the bad news that Biden’s DOJ will be coming for them if they have ever watched the movie Home Alone 2: Lost In New York and didn’t skip over the scene with Trump in it.
“Reading the extremist book The Art of the Deal is a danger to our democracy,” said Garland as he scowled at the camera to try and intimidate the five viewers watching. “Due to the seriousness of these crimes, our armed gestapo will be arresting anyone who had anything to do with former President Donald Trump. If you even thought about Trump then we’re coming for you.”
Garland went on to list every single offense that the DOJ will be charging people with in regards to Trump, including watching any one of his television shows or interviews, stepping inside any Trump properties, reading any of The Donald’s books, and even any woman who may have pleasured herself while thinking about the orange-skinned businessman.
“And that also includes watching The Apprentice,” said Garland while pulling up the show’s IMDB page on his phone. “Now, you’ll only be charged if you watched The Apprentice with Trump in it, not the later, horrible seasons that had Arnold Schwarzenegger and Martha Stewart as the hosts.”
Immediately after the interview, Garland was arrested by his own DOJ agents for talking about Trump while giving a press conference.
They probably will do this soon. When satire becomes reality.
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The long nose of the law.
At least now I’ll know if my wife was thinking about Trump while she was making love to me.
Whew, at least they didn’t say Trump University.