OTTAWA, CANADA– As more countries continue to pull their funding for Ukraine, a determined Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has vowed to keep sending money over to the Eastern European country by any means necessary, including auctioning off his world-famous eyebrows on eBay.
With a now smooth forehead, Trudeau gave a press conference to scold Canadian citizens for their lack of empathy in not wanting to give everything they own so that Ukrainian President Zelensky can purchase another new mansion and then kick 10% of the money back to Western politicians.
“Every single one of you should be ashamed of yourselves,” said Trudeau with a serious undertone as news reporters laughed at his new face. “Canadian citizens abandoned Ukraine just as President Zelensky was about to purchase another gold-plated toilet for his home. That’s why I’m doing everything I can to get money to Ukraine, even if it means selling my handsome fake eyebrows. I mean, real ones.”
Prime Minister Trudeau said Conservatives in Canada have lost interest in Ukraine due to American Donald Trump’s MAGA influence, and has called on the former US president to change his mind and follow his lead by auctioning off Trump’s famous golden blonde hair.
“I’m calling on President Trump to put his hair up for sale, unless he’s too scared,” said Trudeau while waxing his chest. “If you Canadians don’t give a crap about sending all your money to Ukraine then I’m sure the money from selling off my eyebrows will be enough to buy a few more bags of cocaine, I mean weapons for Ukraine.”
At publishing time, Trudeau’s eyebrows currently only had one bid but was later retracted after the bidder found out that the hair wasn’t actually genuine.
What an embarrassment, not far from reality.
Wait till you hear about his nipples.