TEL AVIV, ISRAEL– Dozens of world leaders as well as various humanitarian groups have condemned Israel’s war crimes once again after finding out that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ordered IDF personnel to torture Hamas prisoners by making them listen to hours and hours of garrulous Ben Shapiro talking nonstop.
Gazan prisoners were forced to undergo the most brutal psychological torture as their Israeli captors played every single one of The Daily Wire host’s rambling speeches, verbose rants, and irritating commentary.
“Facts don’t care about your feelings,” said the fast-talking Shapiro as Hamas militants covered their ears and moaned in agony. “Okay, guys, this is epic. Did I ever mention that my wife’s a doctor? But that seems mildly inappropriate for a political conversation. You know, I am a Jew, so don’t say anything anti-Semitic. Did I mention my wife’s a doctor?”
After Israeli prison guards turned up the volume of Shapiro’s nasally-voiced tirades, Hamas prisoners began crying out in agony, saying, “Please, for the love of Allah, make it stop. This Mr. Ben Shapiro never stops talking. How does he breathe when he’s always talking so very quickly. Please, just kill me. I can’t take any more of this life.”
Due to the success of breaking down the Hamas prisoners’ will to live, Netanyahu decided to stop dropping bombs on Gaza and started playing Shapiro’s annoying commentary on loudspeakers cranked up to full volume all over the outskirts of the city.
