PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA– Facebook is one of the largest social networking sites in the world and a great way to connect with both old and new friends, but one deadbeat man discovered the hard way that nobody likes him.
For some reason Bob Buttersworth, a 47 year old sub shop worker, thought that his lack of personal relationships was because he still hadn’t joined Facebook, where he assumed he would instantly be notified of people who he thought might be his friends.
After creating his account and waiting ten months, Bob soon discovered a cold, hard fact that not only does he not have any friends, but his family and coworkers also hate him.
Bob’s mother Brenda Buttersworth told a local Fox News affiliate that her son has always been a loser and she knew immediately after giving birth to him that he would live the rest of his life alone due to having no redeeming qualities.
“Yes, my son Bob’s a pathetic loser,” Brenda told news reporters as she showed them a family photo with Bob cut out of it. “Our family can’t stand him. If there’s one positive thing I can say about this coronavirus pandemic, is at least now we have an excuse to socially distance ourselves from Bob the failure.”
The owner of the Philly sub shop where Bob works says that whenever one of his employees makes a mistake he punishes them by making them work alongside annoying outcast Bob.
“Everybody hates Bob, including me,” said Bob’s disgruntled boss. “The only reason I don’t fire him is because threatening my employees with having to work at the same time as Bob keeps them diligently working and makes me more money.”
Confused as to why he had no Facebook friends, bumbling Bob tweeted to his zero Twitter followers that he had messaged Mark Zuckerberg to ask him why his account wasn’t working properly, but had received an anonymous message that he had been blocked by the famous CEO and to never contact him again.
