LAS VEGAS, NEVADA– In an effort to try and attract a much larger audience, UFC CEO Dana White made a bold move by hiring trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney to be the new face of the MMA company after also making a multiyear deal with embattled beer brand Bud Light.
During an interview with verbose Fox News host Sean Hannity, Dana White said he grew tired of making so much money and wanted to distance himself from the fans who helped make his company successful, so he began searching for the best way to tank his brand.
“I think Dylan Mulvaney will fit in perfectly with the new progressive UFC,” said White as Hannity interrupted him every three seconds. “I saw how the Bud Light brand got destroyed after hiring Dylan and then I started thinking, yeah, I should also hire Dylan to run my mixed martial arts organization into the ground.”
White said he wanted to get away from the tough guy, high testosterone reputation of the UFC by making the company more diverse, equitable, and more effeminate.
“I think fans are getting tired of watching fighters bash each others faces in anyway,” said White after Hannity cut off his microphone so the host could hear himself talk. “That’s why I’m also implementing new rules to go along with the partnerships of Bud Light and Mr. Mulvaney, including banning fighting altogether and requiring all UFC fighters to wear dresses and makeup.”
When reached for comment, Mulvaney said he was proud to be the new face of the UFC but hopes that all those hyper-masculine males will be able to keep their hands off of him.
