SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– As the war in the Middle East continues to escalate, Governor Gavin Newsom has made a pledge to stand in solidarity with Israel by also cutting all power and water supplies to the people of California.
While the entire state of California was in total darkness except for his governor’s mansion, Newsom told Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that if Israel needed any extra bodies to fight on the front line of the war that he has thousands of homeless veterans that he can send over to fight against Hamas.
“We must stand with our greatest ally Israel, who also happens to be our boss,” said Newsom in reference to the Israeli government as he flicked his light switch on and off to mock his citizens. “In addition to cutting all electricity and water to Californians in support of Israel, I have also ordered my gestapo to cut off the food supply to this state. Well, except for me of course.”
Governor Newsom reiterated that the only way to make citizens more compliant is to make their lives more difficult, saying he will also be following Israel’s lead by giving California citizens 24-hours to flee the state before he begins bombing people’s homes.
“You have twenty-four hours to leave, starting right now,” said Newsom with a chuckle as he looked at his Rolex watch. “Better hurry too, I hear traffic can get pretty backed up in the Golden State. And don’t worry, I promise I won’t block all exits so that you get stuck here as a way to trick you into getting bombed. Hey, you can trust me. I’m a politician.”
Immediately after telling Californians that he would let them flee the state unfettered, Newsom had the National Guard block every exit out of the state.
“Hope you can swim because there’s always the Pacific Ocean,” said Newsom, chuckling.
Newsom later clarified that he doesn’t actually care about Israel, but only that he wanted an excuse to terrorize the people of California.
