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Reading: After Sending Warships To Secure Israel’s Border, Biden Secures US Border By Sending His Thoughts And Prayers
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Home » POLITICS » After Sending Warships To Secure Israel’s Border, Biden Secures US Border By Sending His Thoughts And Prayers

POLITICS

After Sending Warships To Secure Israel’s Border, Biden Secures US Border By Sending His Thoughts And Prayers

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: October 15, 2023 11:20 am
Daily Soak Staff
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Joe Biden at the southern US border laughing while praying.
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WASHINGTON– Only hours after Israel was breached by Hamas, Joe Biden quickly began sending aircraft and warships to protect the border of the Middle East foreign country, but also finally addressed the southern US border by graciously sending his thoughts and prayers.

“I told all you crybaby naysayers I’d eventually fix our own border,” said Biden, folding his wrinkled hands together. “Now my boss Benjamin Netanyahu informed me that after I send US soldiers to go die in another war for Israel that I’m allowed to finally do something about our own border. You see? Who said I’m not America first?”

With his hands folded and his head down, Biden tried remembering the Catholic prayer he learned sixty years ago before he converted to a Luciferian, warmongering lunatic.

“Now, let’s bow our heads and say a quick prayer to fix our southern border,” said Biden as he tried to refrain from giggling. “Uh, our Daddy, no wait, our Father, Halloween be thy name. Thy illegal immigrants come, the globalists’ will be done on earth as it is in Hell. Give us a secure border, as we have given Israel a secure border. Amen.”

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Immediately after opening his eyes once the prayer had finished, Biden gasped in fabricated disbelief and said, “Oh wow, would you look at that? Our border’s now secure. Who says prayer doesn’t work.”

At publishing time, Biden’s prayer did not work because the US southern border was still wide open with millions of illegal aliens pouring in, but the White House reported the good news that Israel’s border was not only fixed but will be expanding its territory into other countries as well.

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:IsraelJoe BidenRated GReligion

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