CRAWFORD, TEXAS– In an effort to scare hesitant conservative Americans into supporting another war in the Middle East, former President George Bush came out of retirement to give a televised speech claiming that his secret, anonymous intelligence sources have told him that Palestine has weapons of mass destruction and the United States needs to attack right away.
“Palestine has weapons of mass destruction,” screamed Bush into the camera angrily while pointing his finger to let everyone know that he was serious. “I may have lied back in 2002 when I told the world Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, but this time I swear I’m telling the truth. Trust me, I’m a corrupt, warmongering politician.”
The military industrial complex strategically picked George W. Bush in order to try and trick conservatives into supporting a full-scale nuclear war for Israel’s best interests since those same Republican voters just weeks ago condemned liberals for wanting a war on behalf of Ukraine against Russia.
“We must support the war to help Raytheon get rich, I mean, help our ally Israel,” said Bush as he played a video of a CIA agent dressed as a Hamas terrorist pretending to shoot an Israeli actor. “If you’re not for us, then you’re against us. If you don’t support a nuclear attack on Iran and Russia then you’re not a patriotic American.”
Even though most conservatives said they would never fall for the US government’s lies about the Middle East again, numerous people on the right said that there’s no way Bush would lie a second time and have called on President Joe Biden to put boots on the ground in Israel and also nuke the entire Middle East.
“Normally I’m against war and killing innocent people, but hey, this is for Israel,” wrote a conservative account on Twitter X who says he identifies as a Christian Zionist. “There’s no way possible that this war could be a bad idea and that many years down the line I’m going to end up regretting this decision.”
