MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA– After costing her team an embarrassing loss to Sweden in the World Cup Finals by missing a penalty kick, U.S. Women’s soccer player Megan Rapinoe said during an interview with Fox Sports that the reason she missed the shot was because of Donald Trump.
“This is Trump’s fault,” said Rapinoe angrily as she recounted the events that led up to her not kicking the ball anywhere near the net. “Once again the orange buffoon makes a mockery of the United States and his evil, bigoted orange skin forced me to kick the ball way, way, way over the goal net.”
Rapinoe said Trump was the cause of numerous problems leading up to the losing game, including making her oversleep the morning of the game and also forcing her to stub her toe the day before after she kicked the side of an Australian gas pump due to the high price of gas from Trump’s policies.
“Trump also made me ignore that young boy who asked me to autograph a soccer ball,” said Rapinoe in tears. “We would’ve won that game if it wasn’t for Trump. It’s because of him I’m such an arrogant, annoying person. I should get paid more money just to deal with Trump ruining my life.”
After the interview had finished, Rapinoe began repeatedly punching herself in the face while asking Trump to stop hitting her. The DOJ said they are looking into the violent incident and that Special Counsel Jack Smith has already began the process of indicting Trump for attacking the women’s soccer player.
