WASHINGTON– In an effort to unify the country, President Joe Biden celebrated the Labor Day holiday by cooking up BBQed MAGA Republicans on the White House lawn and gave a riveting speech on how tasty Trump supporters are once they’re marinated and then grilled to perfection.
After throwing a couple Republican legs onto the grill, Biden sniffed the sweet aroma of burning flesh and then took the opportunity to remind citizens that holidays are a time for Americans to come together as a country and heal.
“Nothing says celebrating the holiday with the Biden family more than eating the flesh of your enemies, Jack,” said Biden as he posed for a photo to memorialize the historical moment. “I promised during my campaign that I would bring peace and unity to the US and what better way to accomplish this goal than to cook up a few rightwing fascists.”
Several political pundits praised Biden’s attempts at unifying the country by literally roasting over half the country on fire pits, with numerous mainstream media outlets lambasting President Donald Trump for failing to bring the country together the way Biden has done.
“Watching those MAGA Republicans burning on President Biden’s grill made me proud to be an American once again,” said MSNBC host Joe Scarborough as he wiped tears from his beady eyes. “At least all those tens of millions of Republicans have finally served some kind of useful purpose, rather than wasting their lives working, praying, and trying to make America great.”
Unfortunately Biden’s Labor Day celebration was cut short after a few grilled fingers got lodged inside his colon and he was forced to spend the rest of the day on the toilet.
