KIEV, UKRAINE– With the billions of dollars already sent to Ukraine not enough to help support their efforts, President Volodymyr Zelensky decided to make some extra cash by selling his popular green t-shirts on late-night infomercials, claiming the shirts are one-of-a-kind and have many more uses than for just wearing them.
On his latest infomercial, Zelensky screamed into his wireless headset as he promoted his line of green cleaning shirts called ScamWOW, promising customers this will be the greatest thing they’ve ever purchased.
“This is President Zelensky with ScamWOW and you’ll be saying ‘wow’ every time you use this shirt,” said Zelesnky loudly as he jumped up and down while waving a shirt. “You can use these ScamWOW shirts for everything! You can wear it, you can use it to clean up vodka spills, you can wipe yourself with it after using the toilet, you can even use it to stop bullets from enemy fire. Wow!”
To prove the many uses of his ScamWOW green shirts, Zelensky jumped off the top of his three-story mansion while holding one of the opened t-shirts over his head as a rudimentary hang glider.
“Look at this, folks, I’m flying, but wait, there’s more,” said Zelensky as he landed safely on top of a jagged cliff. “The material of these ScamWOW shirts is so strong that you can even use it to patch holes in your home’s roof or your doctor can use it to close up mortal wounds. Have you ever seen an item with this many uses? Scam…WOW!”
At the end of the infomercial, Zelensky reminded potential customers that the ScamWOW costs only $19.95, plus a small shipping and handling fee of $10,995.00. Five percent of the proceeds will go toward the war against Russia, 85 percent will go to Zelensky himself, and the other 10 percent will go to the big guy.
