WASHINGTON– President Joe Biden is being heralded as a hero by mainstream media outlets for his execution of a MAGA Republican during his recent speech, with some leftwing political pundits calling for the president to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his attempt at unifying the country.
After having his Secret Service agents escort a handcuffed and blindfolded male Trump supporter out onto the stage, Biden groped and sniffed the young man to make certain that he was a rightwing extremist America-first supporter.
“We have a big problem with over half our country supporting America and the Constitution, Jack,” said Biden as he pulled down his pants and removed his soiled Depends diaper. “Starting today, I will be executing a MAGA Republican in front of a green screen video every day until those fascists give up their futile attempt at seeking freedom from tyranny.”
While his henchmen held the MAGA Republican in place, Biden wrapped his brown, smelly diaper over the man’s face and began choking him as the taste and smell of a senile, old man’s wet feces suffocated him to death.
Leftwing news outlets replayed the execution over and over again on their programs, cheering and praising Biden for his “beautiful, unifying speech,” with numerous CNN anchors claiming they had tears in their eyes as the MAGA Republican remained motionless on the ground due to being asphyxiated by the crappy diaper.
“President Biden’s speech will be remembered as one of the greatest moments in American history,” said John Podesta, Biden’s pizza delivery man. “After this unifying execution, all our polls are indicating that President Biden will be easily reelected in 2024 by more than 900 billion votes.”
