SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– In an effort to collect more money to pay for California politician’s extravagant lifestyles, Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill into law that will start placing property taxes on homeless people’s cardboard boxes.
The governor was all smiles as he held a press conference in San Francisco’s worst homeless section, saying that it’s about time the millions of homeless people start paying their fair share in taxes and stop living for free.
“These bums have been living off the US government’s teat for long enough,” said Newsom, pointing at a homeless man who hasn’t eaten in three weeks. “To help pay for my $20,000 a year hair salon visits, I’m proud to announce that I’ve signed a bill into law which will tax the cardboard homes of these freeloading vagrants.”
Newsom said the cardboard boxes that homeless people reside in counts as real estate in California, pointing out that most of the boxes have a separate bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom.
Newsom had police pull an elderly homeless man out of his cardboard box to show camera crews just how lavish some of the cardboard boxes are that the homeless population lives in.
“Look at the size of that soda bottle this lazy bum’s been urinating in,” said Newsom as police arrested the homeless man for failing to pay his taxes. “Oh boy, it looks like I’m going to have to raise their taxes even more. In the state of California you need nine hundred permits before you can upgrade your bathroom. Obviously this leech has been getting a free ride for a long time.”
