HOLLYWOOD– There was a small change in Sunday’s Oscars ceremony when comedienne Amy Schumer was forced to host the awards show all alone after eating her two cohosts during the opening monologue due to a sudden hunger attack.
Regina Hall and Wanda Sykes were slated to host the show along with Schumer, but had to cancel abruptly after Schumer ate both of them during the opening monologue.
“Sorry, everyone, but it looks like I’ll be hosting this awards program by myself,” said Schumer while Hall’s hand hung out of her gaping mouth. “I got a little hungry after not eating for five minutes and my two cohosts just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time for me.”
After belching and then spitting out Wanda’s wig, Schumer finished the opening ceremony and then proceeded to tell vagina jokes for the next three hours because that’s what she thinks people find funny.
“Everyone, I’d like to introduce my vagina who will be cohosting the program with me,” said Schumer as she crawled around the stage like a walrus. “Boy, telling all these funny vagina jokes has really gotten me hungry again. I see a few sexy male celebrities out in the crowd that I’d really love to sink my teeth into. Va-va-voom.”
By the end of the Oscars program, there were only three celebrities left out in the audience due to Schumer needing a steady flow of sustenance to get through the grueling twenty minutes of actual speaking she was required to do.
