WASHINGTON– To show their love and generosity toward the plight of Ukraine, United States members of Congress voted to give themselves a 21 percent raise in their salaries, claiming pay raises for politicians was the most important thing on the minds of Ukrainians.
“Our increased bank accounts will truly help out the struggling people of Ukraine,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as she burned hundred dollar bills to stay warm. “Our very large pay raises will help us politicians better help Ukrainian citizens.”
With the exorbitant increase in salaries, US politicians will now be able to buy more expensive cars, bigger homes, and more food in an effort to get revenge on Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“What better way to stick it to Putin than to put a few hundred thousand more dollars in my pocket,” said Senator Mitt Romney while walking over homeless American veterans to get to his Ferrari. “I’m sure the people of Ukraine truly appreciate what we as American politicians are doing to help out.”
The sheer generosity of Congress has caused a tidal wave of support for Ukraine the world over, with politicians in other countries such as Canada and the UK also giving themselves more money to show Putin who’s boss.
“To support Ukraine, I also have mandated a salary increase of 69 percent for myself, eh,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “With this small but necessary increase of five hundred thousand dollars a year for myself, I can now buy more expensive makeup which will make me look a little prettier whenever going on national television and pushing the globalist narrative of caring about Ukraine.”
To show his support for Ukraine, President Joe Biden has vowed to take an extra 20 percent cut for the Big Guy.
