WASHINGTON– The White House put out an emergency statement Thursday saying Joe Biden’s earpiece has been hacked by the Russians and that’s the reason why the president has been saying so many peculiar things, not because he’s senile and a racist.
According to White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, the Russians on order of Vladimir Putin have been hacking Biden’s earpiece for the last two years in an effort to make Joe look like a demented, corrupt, racist fool and to inevitably get the United States out of the way so Russia can finally attack Ukraine.
“Early this morning our intelligence sources confirmed that Russians have hacked President Biden’s earpiece,” said Psaki, laughing at the absurdity of her job. “President Biden’s personal earpiece is supposed to be used to feed the president information by his handlers, but somehow it was hacked into by Putin and has been making President Biden say the craziest things.”
Government officials released a secret classified document to the news media showing Russian President Putin bragging about taking control of Biden’s earpiece and making him say stupid, insane, nonsensical things.
The supposed words by Putin said, “Operation: Hack Biden’s Earpiece has been a success. Mother Russia has officially made Mr. Biden look like a complete and utter American fool and now that the US is busy scrambling to find Biden another earpiece, Russia can finally invade Ukraine. Hoo, ha, ha, ha.”
Canada Prime Minster Justin Trudeau weighed in on the earpiece-hacking incident and said that his team of experts have discovered that the Canadian truckers were also working with Russia to hack into Biden’s earpiece, which makes the freedom convoy protesters international as well as domestic terrorists.
US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi also weighed in on the hacking crime and said the FBI found evidence that the Russians were also working in conjunction with Donald Trump to undermine Biden’s totally legitimate presidency and therefore Democrats will be seeking to impeach Trump for the 69th time.
