U.S.– As 2021 comes to an end and as the line between satire and reality grows thinner by the day, we take a closer look at Daily Soak’s top 10 satire news stories of the past twelve months. Let’s look back at some of the fakest news stories of the year that will someday probably become reality.
1) Joe Biden Makes History As America’s First Chinese President
January 25: Joe Biden made political history when he was sworn in as president of the United States, making him the first Chinese person ever elected to the role and held his presidential victory rally during the Chinese New Year festival, along with his Asian American son Hunter and his white American trophy wife Jill.
2) Biden Holds President’s Day Rally In Graveyard To Thank All His Supporters
February 16: History’s most popular U.S. president Joe Biden held a President’s Day rally inside a local cemetery to thank all his most vocal supporters for voting for him in America’s most legitimate election of all time, taking the time to personally sniff the concrete of every female tombstone.
3) Coronavirus Comes Forward And Accuses Andrew Cuomo Of Sexual Harassment
March 4: The COVID-19 virus was the latest victim to come forward with sexual assault allegations against then Gov. Andrew Cuomo, claiming the touch-feely politician was less than six feet away from him on numerous occasions without his consent and while not wearing a protective mask.
4) Proud Mother Adopts COVID Vaccine After Aborting Real Unborn Baby
April 2: A Portland woman announced on her Twitter account that she was the proud new mother of an angelic COVID-19 vaccine only two days after getting an abortion to rid herself of the burden of taking care of a real human baby, naming her beloved vaccine after her idol Dr. Anthony Fauci.
5) World’s Most COVID-Vaccinated Man Says He Feels Great After Receiving 180 Shots Within Two Months
July 19: A man from California made headlines after receiving his 180th COVID-19 vaccine shot within two months, saying that he’d never felt better, healthier, and safer in his entire 23 years on earth. He also claimed those doses of the vaccine still may not be enough to stay safe.
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6) Governor Gavin Newsom To Star As Contestant On Next Season’s Rupaul’s Drag Race
October 6: Earlier this year, Governor Newsom announced that he will be starring in the upcoming season of Rupaul’s Drag Race as one of the drag queen contestants, saying that he was proud to finally showcase his alternative lifestyle to the world and he finally felt safe enough to come out of the closet as a cross-dressing male.
7) FBI Agents Bravely Stop Domestic Terrorist Parent From Putting Apple Into Child’s School Lunch Bag
October 7: Brave FBI agents arrested a Boulder woman after receiving a tip from a neighbor that the woman was preparing to put an apple into her daughter’s brown lunch bag, which blatantly goes against the government’s no healthy fruit mandate for children.
8) Thousands Of Dogs Crap On Dr. Fauci’s Lawn In Solidarity After Hearing About His Canine Testing Experiments
October 25: Once they heard the upsetting news that their canine brothers and sisters were abused by Dr. Fauci for NIH medical experiments, thousands of dogs from across the country came together in unity for a good cause by going to the diabolical doctor’s residence and then crapped all over the front lawn of his home.
9) Pope Francis Performs Exorcism On Vatican Bathroom After Biden Pooping Incident
October 31: In an effort to rid the Vatican of a disgusting evil stench, Pope Francis performed a nine hour exorcism on his personal bathroom after President Joe Biden desecrated the toilet, floor, walls, and ceiling with his putrid, brown fecal donation.
10) Sesame Street’s Elmo Rushed To Emergency Room Only Days After Bragging About Being Vaccinated
November 9: Famous Muppet character Elmo was rushed to the emergency room at a local hospital for excruciating chest pains and was awaiting a heart transplant due to his chronic myocarditis that Sesame Street promised had absolutely nothing to do with the vaccine.
Honorable Mentions:
11) Biden Recovering After Getting Obama’s Arm Removed From His Butt During Recent Colonoscopy
November 20: While Joe Biden was under anesthesia for a routine colonoscopy, surgeons discovered Barack Obama’s arm stuck up inside the president’s body cavity where it was controlling and making all the decisions for the current Commander-in-Chief.
12) After Kyle Rittenhouse Acquittal, Prosecutor Thomas Binger Files Charges Against The AR-15
November 19: Immediately after a jury found Kyle Rittenhouse not guilty on all charges, lead prosecutor Thomas Binger filed charges against the AR-15 weapon used in the 2020 incident and sought the death penalty for the gun.
