WASHINGTON– The majority of the U.S. Congress has been on the warpath lately to get every single American vaccinated whether they want to or not, saying that there’s nothing underhanded about politicians getting paid by Big Pharma to push mandated drugs on people and then not even having to take the shots themselves.
In a true bipartisan effort between Democrats and Republicans, vaccine mandates have been getting enforced across the country in an effort to keep everyone safe, that is, everyone except for the politicians who claim that they’re already safe from the scary virus due to their blood being unlike any other human being’s blood because most of them are Satanic vampires who feast on the flesh of the innocents to protect themselves from mortality.
“No, it’s not hypocritical of us public officials to force citizens to get injected with experimental shots while we are exempt,” said Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky after rising from his coffin. “The fact that me and my Congressional colleagues have numerous investments in drug companies has nothing to do with us mandating that everyone must get injected five times a day for the rest of their lives.”
Fellow vampire Nancy Pelosi of California echoed her Republican counterpart’s sentiment and explained that politicians being exempt from their own mandates while owning shares in vaccine companies is written somewhere, someplace within that confusing document known as the Constitution.
“Good morning, Sunday morning,” said Pelosi through a beautiful Botox-faced smile, swearing that she hasn’t had an alcoholic drink in minutes. “Our founding fathers–Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Captain Morgan–made it very clear that the president has every right to make mandates for the entire country, except for when Donald Trump was commander in chief.”
I though this was satire? Aren’t they really blood-sucking vampires?
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