WASHINGTON– The pesky Russians are at it again, says top Democrats. After Joe Biden had an embarrassing tumble down the steps of Air Force One on Friday, a White House spokeswoman claims that he fell because “Russians hacked into the plane’s stairs and caused the spry president to trip.”
White House deputy press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters that the president received intelligence information that Russian operatives were able to somehow hack into the steps of the presidential aircraft and were also able to hack into the atmosphere to cause the weather to become extra windy.
“It was too windy outside to be normal American wind,” Jean-Pierre said with a straight face. “Sources in the Pentagon have informed the White House that Russian President Vladimir Putin working on behalf of former President Trump caused President Biden to slip three times in an effort to make him appear as though he is a senile, inept, old fool who can’t even walk up a few steps without falling.”
The press secretary added that she believes these are the same Russian hackers that meddled in the 2016 Presidential election to help Donald Trump win the presidency, but somehow forgot to hack into the extremely legitimate 2020 election.
After examining the damage done by the Russians at Joint Base Andrews, U.S. intelligence officials have also discovered the scent of vodka in the air, possibly explaining why Biden seemed tipsy as he climbed the steps.
