WASHINGTON– The United States will now join the UK with its very own royal family as Joe Biden has dropped the title of president and will now be known as the country’s very first King of America.
During a virtual speech on Thursday, a deep fake version of Joe Biden gave America’s subjects the great news that he will now rule over everyone as their unelected king and will govern with a firm yet loving iron fist.
“I’m pleased to announce that I, King Biden, will serve as your crowned head,” Biden decreed from the balcony of his new White House castle. “Now that we got rid of that dictator Trump I can finally rule as king of America. And that’s no malarkey.”
CGI Biden went on to say that he plans on being the complete opposite of his fascist predecessor Donald Trump and criticized the former president for his slew of mean tweets that used to hurt people’s feelings.
New press secretary Jen Psaki finally circled back to reporters about how the US is ready to move on from all the tyrannical times Trump tweeted angry emojis or oppressively said American citizens should be taken care of before China’s government.
“Look, fat, here’s the deal,” Biden said eloquently as he adjusted his gold crown. “I’m a fair king, which is why my next executive order will be to let every American pleb breathe for a generous 3 hours a day while wearing 69 face masks and 92 pillowcases over their faces. Once we’ve curbed the spread of COVID I may let everyone breath for 4 hours a day while only wearing 49 face masks and 72 pillowcases.”
King Biden stressed that his subjects are not allowed to wear junky Mike Lindell My Pillow pillowcases, but rather high quality “Made in China” merchandise that’s guaranteed to last at least 2 weeks.
Joining King Biden in the White House castle will be his educated wife Queen Dr. Jill and his son Prince Hunter along with his harem of Chinese prostitutes.
