MEDINA, WASHINGTON– Microsoft co-founder and vaccine expert Bill Gates gave an interview Wednesday in an effort to ease the hesitant minds of the world’s population regarding his credentials as a medical authority, citing his many years of experience watching Hollywood doctor dramas as sufficient proof that he’s able to give medical advice.
The philanthropist Gates went into full detail on CNN’s Cuomo Prime Time program about his vast television medical training in various areas of medicine, including fecal release syndrome, fictitious illness hypersensitivity, and two feet disease.
“There’s a lot of conspiracy theories out there that I’m not a medically trained doctor guy,” Dr. Gates said as he examined Chris Cuomo’s veiny appendage. “I spent 5 years in front of the television under the direct supervision of Dr. Gregory House of the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, so I think we can put to rest any stupid ideas I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Dr. Gates added that he also has 2 years of experience watching the medical comedy drama Scrubs, where he learned from Dr. Perry Cox the most professional way to call men by female names.
Despite calling for the depopulation of the earth so he can rule the world with the rest of his elitist buddies, Gates says humans should feel safe that he has their best interests at heart with his totally safe coronavirus vaccine.
“This should ease people’s minds now about finally taking my advice on how to treat COVID-19,” Gates said after stabbing Cuomo in the neck with a syringe. “My Microsoft vaccine is totally safe and free from microchips as everyone will see once we start monitoring Chris Cuomo here. My vaccine is as authentic as my medical degree. Trust me.”
