WASHINGTON– House Democrats have passed a bill on Tuesday that would allow for singing telegram voting and other methods to conduct elections during the coronavirus pandemic and into November, claiming everyone should have the right to vote using performing politicians who have an uncanny ear for music.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) was elated after her fellow colleagues voted unanimously in favor of the Singing Telegram Voting Bill, which will have costumed Democrat politicians going house to house collecting votes before relaying the messages to the elections committee.
After outlandishly dressed Democrats collect millions of people’s votes and store them inside their brains, they will immediately go to polling stations and sing all the votes to the vote counters.
“Today we made a giant step forward in the evolution of the election process,” Pelosi said in singsong while dressed in a colorful costume. “Statistics have shown that voting by singing telegram is the most accurate form of voting with the least likely chance of voter fraud, which should ease the minds of our dubious Republican counterparts”
Pelosi went on to say that even though Democrats will be dressed in outlandish costumes and singing incoherently, this is a very honest process that needs to be taken extremely seriously.
“We want Americans to know that they can trust us to deliver their votes accurately to the polling stations,” Pelosi added as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rashida Tlaib practiced their vocal disharmony.
But many Republican legislators say they are a little unsure of whether Democrats can be trusted to deliver their musical votes with honesty and integrity, asserting that there’s a slight possibility that letting Democrats count votes and then deliver them in person may perhaps open the door to voter fraud.
“I’m kind of on the fence with this one,” said Kevin McCarthy (R.-Calif.), House Minority Leader and avid disco enthusiast. “Even though Nancy says there’s no chance of voter fraud by singing telegrams and maybe she’s correct, President Trump says he’s not sure about the Democrat’s true intentions after he heard Pelosi’s karaoke duet with Adam Schiff at this year’s Capitol Hill Mardi Gras celebration.”
