NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– In response to the coronavirus outbreak, several states have decided to take an ingenious two-pronged approach in an effort to curb its spread by locking down its millions of risky citizens so that thousands of innocent criminals can finally be released out onto the streets where they belong.
One of the first states to implement this highly innovative strategy was New York, whose population of extremely harmless prisoners have now been deemed safe to be released back into the public now that all the dangerous citizens have been finally locked up.
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio told CNN news reporters that him and his fellow politicians finally came up with a legitimate reason to be able to lockup the state’s hazardous citizens.
“These poor criminally-challenged inmates will now be able to safely walk our quiet, secure New York streets,” de Blasio said with a straight face. “Our prisoners can now come out of their prison safe space and have a normal life like these ruthless citizens have been abusing while downtrodden convicts were locked up like animals.”
The mayor went on to say that once all the inmates are released, the empty prisons will be turned into a holding area for rambunctious citizens who try to call 911 on any former inmate breaking into their house and then the person’s home will be donated to the indigent inmate.
An unidentified inmate, who was sent to prison in 2011 for allegedly murdering 969 people, says that he will be suing the state of New York for false imprisonment because he had told the judge during his trial that he had identified as an innocent, free man, which he says goes against New York’s progressive policies.
Numerous progressive politicians like Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) are lambasting Mayor de Blasio and Gov. Andrew Cuomo for their far too conservative approach in regards to their unethical treatment of these persecuted prisoners.
“Why do New York’s citizens have more rights than these impoverished inmates?’ AOC asked on her Twitter account. “This is a page right out of Donald Trump’s racist handbook of discriminating against people of squalor.”
I identify as a comment.
DeBlasio self-identifies as a politician.