WASHINGTON– After finally coming to terms that the impeachment probe into President Donald Trump has failed, the House of Representatives passed a resolute resolution Thursday that formalizes the next steps into the new impeachment inquiry into Trump’s identical body double.
During the televised Democratic House vote this morning on CNN News Live, Speaker Nancy Pelosi told the rambunctious crowd that due to a lack of substantial evidence, “Golden Boy” Trump will evade the proverbial firing squad, but his current body double Ronald Krump won’t be so lucky.
“We have enough evidence to go on with the impeachment proceedings against Trump’s body double Ronald Krump,” Pelosi stated while on the House floor, adding, “Our latest whistleblower came forward with undeniable proof that Trump used his own body double to collude with Ukraine to get dirt on former Vice President Joe Biden.”
Pelosi went on to say that once Trump’s doppelganger goes down, then it’s only a matter of time before the president has to spend another five minutes hiring someone else for the job.
“We finally got Trump backed into a corner,” said Adam Schiff, House Intelligence Committee Chairman. “This will weaken Trump and force him to finally admit that he colluded with his body double to collude with Russia to collude with Ukraine in an effort to collude with Trump, or something like that.”
Ronald Krump, 73, is a businessman and former reality show TV star who bears an uncanny resemblance to the 45th President of the United States. Sources claim that Trump met his identical twin while walking in front of a casino mirror.
“This is the greatest witch hunt in American history,” Trump said to reporters on the White House lawn as his body double silently mouthed the words.
“The Democrats know they can’t beat me in 2020 at the ballot box, so they expect the American people to believe that all us politicians have body doubles. Does anyone really believe that there’s actually another poor woman out there who looks just like Nancy Pelosi?”
