DENVER, COLORADO– Are you feeling anxiety the closer we get to daylight savings time? If so, then you’re not alone. A recent report out of the Denver Medical Pseudo-Science Institute says that 82% of Americans suffer from Post Traumatic Daylight Savings Time Disorder, or PTDSTD.
PTDSTD is a mental disorder that can develop after a person is exposed to the traumatic experience of having to deal with the time being set ahead an hour. Symptoms may include disturbing thoughts of clocks laughing at them, scary dreams about naked clocks and time, and mental or physical distress when checking the time. Some people even report being pimp-slapped by their smartphones.
Physicians are now treating people who suffer from PTDSTD with medications, counseling, and electroshock therapy. If none of the aforementioned treatments work, then a physician will usually recommend a lobotomy.
During surgery, a surgeon will make an incision into the prefrontal lobe of the brain and remove the area that is mostly associated with recognizing or even understanding time.
Denver surgeon Dr. Prya Pisum says that PTDSTD lobotomy surgery, although effective, is a very high-risk procedure.
“Yes, it’s a very risky procedure,” said Dr. Pisum regarding PTDSTD lobotomy surgery. “Unfortunately, out of the last one hundred lobotomies that I’ve performed, I’ve only had forty of those patients pay their bills in full. Insurance companies refuse to pay for it, therefore I’m taking a risk every time I operate.”
Due to the impending daylight savings time horror, many PTDSTD sufferers have taken matters into their own hands in an effort to deal with the trauma of having to turn their clocks ahead, such as moving to states that don’t recognize it, refusing to use clocks to tell time, and even doing away with numbers altogether.
