CHEWIE, NEBRASKA– After a failed March 12 walkout where multiple people ended up getting gum on the bottoms of their shoes, protesters have decided to try a march in an effort to bring the gum problem to the attention of stubborn U.S. lawmakers.
No one said that it would be easy. Gum rights barbarians, such as the NRA (National Resin Association), have been fighting them every step of the way.
Even though the walkout ended up a sticky situation, it also drove home the point that chewing gum has become a major problem here in America.
Anti gum advocates say that serious changes need to be made if we’re going to tackle the numerous problems caused by chewing gum, such as loud popping in quiet places, getting it stuck to shoes, clothes, and hair, and being annoyed by arrogant people who chew it while speaking.
With all the latest controversy surrounding the gum debate, gum sales have skyrocketed. Many gum rights individuals have been stockpiling gum for fear that their gum rights will be taken away.
The U.S. has only 4.4% of the world’s population, yet it accounts for roughly 42% of the world’s gum chewers.
Anti gum protesters are not taking any chances this time, according to first grader Billy Henderson. Billy is leading the charge for stricter gum laws.
“Nobody told me how to feel,” said 6 year old Billy as his mother whispered into his ear. “I’m cognizant of my actions and have not been coached by my parents. I’ve been a progressive since I was 3 years old. In my educated opinion, if we want to make progress toward a more civilized future then we have to start with banning gum and making our streets and sidewalks safe again.”
