WASHINGTON– Due to the increase of illegal-shaming across the country, officials have started a sanctuary hotline that illegal immigrants can call to seek emotional support whenever a citizen treats them nasty by expecting them to follow the country’s laws.
The hotline was set up after millions of illegal immigrants complained that they were being harassed for their illegal status, according to CNN news reports. Many have claimed that citizens went so far as to offer them assistance in trying to become an official United States citizen.
On his show CNN 360º, host Anderson Cooper stated that the new sanctuary hotline was necessary due to President Donald Trump brainwashing U.S. citizens into believing that illegal aliens are here illegally.
“Imagine a world with no Donald Trump, but with more not-illegal illegal immigrants,” Cooper stated as he batted his long eyelashes.
For anyone seeking emotional guidance, the $5 a minute number to call is 1-900-555-SHAM(E). Officials have warned everyone that the “E” on the end of the phone number is silent.
“We take illegal-shaming even more seriously than citizenship,” promised Jill Goldwater, spokesperson for an illegal immigrant support group. “Even though we take gay-shaming and fat-shaming very seriously, illegal-shaming crosses the line in regards to seriousness. Pardon the pun.”
Goldwater claims that, due to the fact that one day illegal immigrants will outnumber legal citizens, the country should start taking illegal rights more seriously.
“The majority rules every time,” Goldwater added, pointing toward a anti-illegal-shaming billboard that’s been plastered all over the country. “We’re already in talks with officials to try and tweak the Constitutional rules to make it harder for foreigners to become citizens, but easier for them to just come over here and live the American dream.”
After reportedly being inundated with millions of phone calls by people claiming that the hotline itself was a form of shaming, a second hotline was setup for those who have been shamed after calling the first hotline. For those seeking help from the first illegal-shaming hotline, the number for the second hotline is 1-900-555-HATE(R).
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