OTTAWA, CANADA– Canadian officials passed a new law on Friday which states that anyone driving on Canadian roads is not allowed to make left turns under any circumstances, even if a left turn is their only option.
At a large government meeting inside Ottawa’s Large Government Meeting Hall, prime minister Justin Trudeau told a crowd of confused and angry citizens why he decided to pass the strange law and also how citizens can adapt.
“This was a necessary evil, eh,” Trudeau said as the entire crowd of people stood on the left side of the room in protest. “Due to an inordinate amount of left turn-related squirrel deaths, eh, myself and the rest of the Cabinet made the tough decision to ban all left turns on our highways and bi-ways, eh.”
As the crowd chanted “Left turn, my turn, eh”, Trudeau reapplied his red lipstick and went on.
“I know it will be a tad difficult at first, eh,” Trudeau added, “but just think of all the innocent squirrels who can now safely cross our roads without threat of harm, eh.”
When asked by reporters if this new “No left turn” law affects new permanent citizen and current Texas senator Ted Cruz, Trudeau was ecstatic.
“Yes, this applies to everyone, eh. In fact, Mr. Cruz was all in favor of this new policy, due to the fact that he has an affinity for squirrels. Our statistics show that 100 percent of squirrel deaths are caused by left-handed turns. We’re in the process of creating more right-turning areas for drivers, which will simplify the process of drivers going around in constant circles.”
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