Man Ruptures Colon In Farting Contest

PUZZA, INDIANA– A 21 year old college student was taken to the emergency room today for a ruptured colon after a flatulence contest went afoul.

According to ABC News, Puzza University student Johnny Wantabe was taking part in a farting contest at his frat house when suddenly he started feeling intense intestinal pain. That’s when Wantabe looked down on the floor and saw his bloody intestines hanging out of his shorts.

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw it, dude,” Wantabe said from his hospital bed, reenacting the fart sounds with his armpit. “It was the coolest thing ever, bro. Not only did I win the farting contest, but I got a date with this hot chick from the Gabba House.”

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Medical experts warn that injuries from farting contests are a lot more common than people think.

“I treat at least five people a week from farting injuries,” says Dr. Gregory House, head physician at the Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. “Most people come in with only minor injuries, such as hemorrhoids, stomach pain, and defecated underwear.

“Mr. Wantabe’s case is an extreme one. Thankfully he got to the hospital in time and we were able to cut off his intestines and give them to a pig that’s been waiting for an intestine transplant after having his intestines removed to make chitterlings”

When asked by ABC News if this incident would prevent him from partaking in any future frivolities, Wantabe shook his head.

“Heck no, bro,” he laughed, straining to belch for the cameras. “I gotta reputation to uphold now. I’m the reigning national farting champion and as we all know, once you’re on top all the other dudes’re gonna try and stop me. The babes’re already hittin me up for my digits.”