LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA– A well-known rhinoceros actor went to a respected Beverly Hills animal surgeon for a simple nose job and came out looking exactly the same.
After starring in a string of failed movies, such as Planet Of The Rhinos and Reservoir Rhinos, rhino Rowen Wilson went to get a nose job to shorten his large horn in the hopes of jump-starting his career and competing with Hollywood’s much younger rhinos that have already received complete facial reconstruction surgeries by the time they’re 15 years old and not even fully developed.
“It was a vain mistake, I know,” Wilson told TMZ reporters, a large bandage concealing his embarrassing horn. “I’m getting older and my looks are starting to fade, so I decided to renew my image by shortening my horn. Most rhinos working in Hollywood get their horns shaved down level with their faces. How can I show my face in public now that I have the exact same nose as I did before that quack surgeon butchered me.”
The Beverly Hills surgeon, who’s name hasn’t been released because he’s a human, has reportedly performed thousands of facial surgeries on famous animal actors. According to sources at TMZ, the surgeon performed work on Eddie the dog from Frasier, the monkey from The Hangover Part II, and the Himalayan cat Mr. Jinx from Meet The Parents.
Wilson had breathing problems ever since the initial surgery and has undergone ten more surgeries since then to try to correct the problem.
“I can’t live like this,” he explained with tears in his eyes, blowing his horn. “With my large nose movie roles are harder to come by. I’ve already had to cut down my meals to only 200 pounds of plants a day. At this rate, I’ll be an anorexic 3,000 pound waif in no time. Maybe then I’ll have a shot as a runway model.”
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