DOWNWIND, CALIFORNIA– A large group of angry seagulls took to the streets Friday during a Donald Trump rally in protest of the businessman’s bid for president of the United States, drawing thousands of police officers and army reservists in full tactical gear.
The seagulls were gathered in the streets surrounding the Glenn Beckerson Theater where Trump was addressing thousands of envelopes that held letters calling for a wall to be built around a local beach where seagulls say that they congregate to steal food, rip through trash, and mate in front of unsuspecting tourists.
“I’m against Trump’s narcissistic plan to put a wall around our beach,” said 2 year old seagull Bill Beakers, wearing a shirt with a photo of Trump covered in bird droppings. “I think most people are tired of Trump’s hate speech and his calls to deport all Canadian Geese back to Canada.”
Beakers is not alone in his sentiment. Jill Webber, a 4 year old seagull community organizer, agrees with banning Trump from running for president.
“Where are us seagulls going to go now?” Webber asked as she defecated on the Beckerson Theater steps in protest. “I mean, yeah of course us seagulls can still fly over the wall and congregate there, but if there’s no humans there then how’re we going to find food to eat or people to watch us have sex in public? There’s only so many McDonald restaurants around here.”
Officers with the Downwind Sheriff’s Department worked in conjunction with the army reservists to disperse the crowd, using pizza crusts and cheese-balls to lure the birds away from the theater so that Trump could get into his limo without being defecated on.
About 30 seagulls were arrested and another 50 were taken to local veterinarians after ingesting Alka-Selter tablets that someone had thrown into the crowd along with the pizza crusts.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Were these seagulls hired by George Soros too?
These birds were too educated.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars