SYRACUSE, NEW YORK– Three morons tied up traffic today in the middle of Main Street during rush hour, causing a twelve car pileup and four fatalities. Police were called to the scene after one moron stated that another moron called another moron a moron.
According to the official police report, Butch Rocco, a semiretired moron, said that 42 year old full-time moron Ralph Vinetti called another younger moron, 33 year old Mario Brucca a moron.
“The third moron is our key witness,” Syracuse police Captain Walter Mitty told Channel 9 News reporters. “Apparently, the first moron walked in front of the second moron’s car, which angered the second moron and caused him to call the first moron a moron. That’s when all heck broke loose.”
In a lengthy report assembled last week by the Federal Bureau of Investigation after coming off a two month-long vacation, morons calling other morons a moron have increased 31% in Syracuse alone since last year. These statistics reflect the count during normal business hours, but are subject to rules and regulations of the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reports guidelines.
“Syracuse police are working with all the morons involved to get this straightened out,” Captain Mitty said. “Due to the rise in moronic activity, our department will be increasing officer presence on the streets and will also take extra training courses on spotting morons and getting them off the streets before they cause any non-morons serious damage.”
Syracuse police have asked for the non-moronic public’s assistance by calling 911 whenever morons are seen committing moronic acts. Non-morons are also warned to stay off the streets during the day when morons are usually wandering around in larger groups due to not knowing where they are going, where they came from, or how they got there.
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