BEAVER DAM, KENTUCKY– Typically, giving birth to a newborn baby is one of the greatest and most rewarding events that can happen in a young mother’s life, but not for one angry woman who claims that her newborn caused her substantial pain and distress and is suing her baby for $2 million.
In a one on one interview with MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski, 23 year old Catey Williams explained why she’s suing her baby and why more mothers should follow suit.
“He ripped my insides up,” Williams told Brzezinski, lifting up her red dress and showing off a small purple stretch-mark. “It was the worst experience of my life. I still have nightmares about the ordeal. Every night I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how that lunatic came into this world. He never thanked me or even said ‘hey, Catey, good job.’ Nothing. Just barreled his way through.”
While staring up Catey’s short dress, Brzezinski asked an intelligent followup question. “Catey, tell me more about your baby. I mean, he’s got to have a name, right?”
“Yeah, I call him Bobblehead,” said Catey, closing her legs after feeling Brzezinski’s eyes, “cause the little demon came out headfirst and bobbled his head around while doing it. I know he did that on purpose.”
According to the Mothers Against Babies Group, babies normally position their heads up in the womb as a sign of solidarity and compassion for their mother’s hard labor.
Although sometimes babies can position their heads downward toward the birthing canal in a selfish act of defiance against offensive sounds that they may have heard through the mothers womb, such as the mother engaging in sexual activities, drinking alcohol, or doing illicit street drugs while pregnant.
“So, inquiring minds wanna know,” Brzezinksi said as she turned on a box fan behind her chair in an effort to force Catey’s dress up higher, “what’s that little baby’s name?”
“I already told you his name,” Catey snapped. “What’s really important here’s the fact that I’m suing that little bastard for $2 million to pay for my physical damage, mental anguish, missing two weeks of American Idol, and the fact that the baby’s daddy don’t wanna touch me now that I’m damaged goods. I know that little Bobblehead did that to get back at me for all the times I turned tricks while I was pregnant.”
In a statement put out by Bobblehead’s lawyer, Bobblehead wants the world to know that he didn’t mean to come out of his mother headfirst. His lawyer states that he tripped on his way out of his mother due to her extra wide opening. Bobblehead is counter-suing his mother for $2.5 million and a lifetime of breast milk.
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