ROME, ITALY– In what has been causing shock-waves throughout the Catholic world, a beloved priest has been caught inside of his own home having sex with his own wife in total privacy.
According to a statement from the Vatican, 44 year old Father Guiseppe Castratethenadsio was seen by an anonymous witness inside of his home in his bedroom with the curtains almost completely closed making love to his blonde, 33 year old wife.
“I didn’t believe it when I heard it,” pizza maker Maritonio Fartinthepantsi said by way of translator, his brown eyes welling up. “It’s one of those things you hear but it takes a long time to sink in. I really believed Father Castratethenadsio was a good man. Curses to him and his perverted ways.”
The unknown witness reported the priest’s indecent act to local police and authorities immediately rushed to Father Castratethenadsio’s house to arrest him on numerous charges.
No one knows the true identity of the mysterious witness, but many are speculating that the witness is none other than the Pope himself. Numerous people stated that they saw Father Castratethenadsio and the Pope in a heated argument over the idea of using more attractive nuns to try and lure more people into the faith, which Father Castratethenadsio was adamantly against.
“He wanted to cut our dresses off above the thigh like this,” an anonymous 29 year old nun told Italia-69 reporters, pulling up her long black dress as an example. “The Holy Pope may be a little unorthodox in his ways, but at least he’s not a disgusting, perverted man like Father Castratethenadsio. I hope they put him away for life.”
Father Castratethenadsio is currently being held in a jail cell in Rome awaiting trial for indecent exposure, lewdness, sodomy, solicitation of a minor, fraud and murder.
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