Trump Promises To Make Van Halen’s ‘Panama’ US National Anthem After Taking Over Panama Canal
PALM BEACH, FLORIDA-- President-Elect Donald Trump doubled down on his desire to take over the Panama Canal and has promised to make Van Halen's iconic song Panama the official national…
Dan Crenshaw Unveils New Clean-Shaven Face Before Returning To Congress
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to improve his image as a corrupt RINO Republican, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw revealed his new clean-shaven face during an interview on Fox News Sunday morning,…
Elon Musk Releases New Tesla Rickshaw Model
U.S.-- Entrepreneur and billionaire businessman Elon Musk has recently unveiled an all-new Tesla Rickshaw model that he says was created entirely by a group of genius H1B Indian employees he…
Sullen Obama Spends Last Christmas At White House As Third Term Winds Down
WASHINGTON-- It was a bittersweet moment for Barack Obama this Christmas as he enjoyed his last holiday party inside of the White House as his third term as president winded…
Trump Threatens To Return Seth Rogen If Trudeau Doesn’t Secure Canadian Border
PALM BEACH, FLORIDA-- President-Elect Donald Trump has issued yet another warning to Canada on the heels of his inauguration, saying that if Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau doesn't secure the…
Santa Claus’s Sleigh Robbed While Delivering Gifts In San Francisco
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- Christmas was cut short this year after Santa Claus's sleigh was robbed while delivering gifts in a high crime area of San Francisco, leaving millions of children…
Elves Hold Intervention For Santa Claus After He Becomes Addicted To Ozempic
NORTH POLE-- After beloved Santa Claus lost a massive amount of weight quickly and began getting frail from taking too much of the weight-loss drug Ozempic, Santa's elves started worrying…
Trudeau Wears Blackface So He Can Call Anyone Who Asks Him To Resign ‘A Racist’
OTTAWA, CANADA-- As calls for his resignation continue to mount, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau decided to wear blackface once again so that he can call anyone who asks him…
Mexican Cartels Throw Retirement Party For Retiring Employee Biden
U.S.-- With less than a month before Joe Biden leaves office, a group of Mexican cartels got together recently to throw a surprise retirement party for the president as a…
Sad: Every Time Democrats Call Elon ‘President Musk’ Kamala Reminded How She Lost Election To Trump
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to get under Donald Trump's skin, Democrats have come up with a new strategy of calling Elon Musk "President Musk." Unfortunately, the new tactic has gotten…
Gavin Newsom Issues New Poop-Scented Masks So You Can Still Smell California While Masked Up
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- After declaring a state of emergency over rising cases of bird flu, Governor Gavin Newsom has announced that he will be issuing all-new poop-scented disposable masks to state…
Shooter Luigi Mangione Panicking After Jim Cramer Predicts He’ll Be Found Not Guilty And Released
U.S.-- In yet another controversial prediction, CNBC Mad Money host Jim Cramer has predicted that UnitedHealthcare CEO murder suspect Luigi Mangione will definitely not get sent to prison and will…
