Canada Assures White Canadians MAID Will Make Room For Someone From Overseas
OTTAWA, CANADA — The Canadian government assured White Canadians this week that choosing Medical Assistance in Dying will help make room for an immigrant from overseas, highlighting the demographic benefits…
Clancy Lawyer Asks If Anyone Has Considered Possibility Black Holdout Juror Killed The Kids
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — In a dramatic shift in legal strategy following a mistrial in the high-profile murder case, defense attorney Kevin Reddington reportedly raised a startling new question Tuesday regarding…
UK Police Torn Between Stopping Terrorist Attack And Arresting Grandma Over Facebook Meme
LONDON, UK — Metropolitan Police officials were reportedly facing a difficult decision Sunday after being forced to choose between stopping a terrorist attack against a US air base and arresting…
American Hospital Fires Resident Doctor After Horrifying Discovery That He Was Born In America
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND— An American hospital fired one of its resident doctors Friday after discovering that he had been born in America, prompting panicked hospital administrators to immediately terminate his residency…
UK Anti-Racism Activists Tell White British Citizens To ‘Go Back To Where They Came From’
LONDON, UK — Anti-racism activists protesting a Restore Britain campaign event in North London reportedly demanded that several white British citizens involved with the campaign "go back to where they…
Netanyahu Promises To Pass Over Any Congressman With Israeli Flag On Their Door
WASHINGTON — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced Friday that his political apparatus would "pass over" any member of Congress who displays an Israeli flag outside his or her office,…
Judge Releases Repeat Murderer After Deeming 10-Minute Timeout Enough To Teach Him A Lesson
PORTLAND, OREGON— A local circuit court judge dismissed all charges against a 14-time convicted murderer on Tuesday, ruling that a strict ten-minute unsupervised timeout in the courthouse corridor was a…
China Assures Americans Tiny Cameras In Panda Bear’s Eyes Are Not For Spying
BEIJING, CHINA — Minutes after China's President Xi Jinping announced during a White House meeting with President Donald Trump that two giant pandas will arrive at Zoo Atlanta in the…
Canada’s Official United Nations Address Delivered Entirely In Punjabi
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — International diplomats were left tapping their translation earpieces on Wednesday after Canada delivered its official address to the United Nations General Assembly entirely in Punjabi…
Netanyahu Uses Samson Option On Mayor’s Mansion To Avoid Mamdani Arrest
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Bypassing several layers of international law, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly activated the country's controversial Samson Option toward Gracie Mansion Tuesday after learning that…
Zelensky Spotted Passing Collection Basket Around United Nations
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was spotted passing a long-handled collection basket around the United Nations Tuesday, stopping at the various national delegations in an apparent…
Trump Taunts Banned Reporters By Replacing Them With Sock Puppets
WASHINGTON — In a gloating, triumphant display of media mockery, President Donald Trump reportedly found a new way to remind several banned White House reporters that they were no longer…
