Biden Says He’ll Easily Win 2024 Presidential Election After He Has All His Opponents Locked Up
WASHINGTON-- Amid recent news that the president gave the greenlight to his DOJ to have Donald Trump arrested, Joe Biden gave a news conference and bragged that he'll very easily…
Putin Cuts Own Arm Off To Hurt Ukraine
MOSCOW, RUSSIA-- In yet another attempt to win the war in Ukraine at all costs, Vladimir Putin has reportedly cut off his own arm as a way to hurt Ukraine…
After Having No Further Uses, Biden Now Using Head As A Paperweight
WASHINGTON-- After having no further use for himself as Commander-in-Chief, Joe Biden has been relegated to using his head as a paperweight on order by his handlers who admitted that…
Sesame Street’s Oscar The Grouch Canceled After Saying He Doesn’t Want Male Hands Up His Puppet Hole
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK-- Yet another controversy has hit Sesame Street after Muppet character Oscar the Grouch told producers that he no longer felt comfortable having men shove their hands up…
To Satisfy China, ‘The Little Mermaid’ Movie Only 20 Minutes Long After Editing Out All Black Actors
BURBANK, CALIFORNIA-- In order to have their movie The Little Mermaid shown in China, Disney was forced to cut out all the black actors in the film including lead actress…
Secret Service Arrests Sandbag That Brutally Attacked Biden And Caused Him To Trip And Fall
WASHINGTON-- A black sandbag was arrested yesterday by Secret Service after it ruthlessly lunged at Joe Biden and tried to assassinate him, causing the startled president to trip and fall…
In Push For Diversity, Chick-Fil-A Will Now Serve Black Chickens
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- Striving to be more diverse and equitable, the Chairman of Chick-fil-A Dan Cathy proudly announced that starting this week the fast food chain will begin serving black chickens…
Kevin McCarthy: ‘I Never Lied, I Just Didn’t Tell The Truth, Big Difference’
WASHINGTON-- After facing major backlash for allegedly lying to millions of Republicans, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy gave a quick press conference to clear the air about all the accusations that…
Biden Celebrates Memorial Day By Recognizing All The Brave Ukrainians Who Died For American Interests
WASHINGTON-- In celebration of Memorial Day, Joe Biden wanted to recognize all the heroic people of Ukraine who gave their lives fighting for corrupt US interests and to protect the…
Trophy Hunter Refuses To Shoot Rhino After It Reminds Him Of His Mother
KENYA, AFRICA-- In a touching story out of Africa, a trophy hunter spared killing a rhinoceros after zooming in on the large animal with his gun scope and realizing that…
Dr. Phil: Bashful Snake Refuses To Shed Its Skin In Front Of Its Peers
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- A shy snake has made the news this week after it was a guest on the popular Dr. Phil show, explaining to the world its inability to shed…
Geriatric Senators Ask Younger Congress Members How To Use Their Free New-Fangled Phone Thingys
WASHINGTON-- United States Senators were recently offered free satellite phones for emergency communications, which confused the oldest members of Congress whom had no idea what the new technology was, let…
