Frustrated Cat Keeps Trying To End Its Life But Always Lands On Its Feet
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH-- A depressed cat that doesn't want to live anymore claims that it has been trying to kill itself by jumping off of tall places but fails…
Israel Tortures Hamas Prisoners By Forcing Them To Listen To Videos Of Ben Shapiro Babbling On Incessantly
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- Dozens of world leaders as well as various humanitarian groups have condemned Israel's war crimes once again after finding out that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu ordered IDF…
With Palestine In News, Biden Keeps Thinking There Was Some Place He Was Supposed To Go Visit
WASHINGTON-- As the word "Palestine" keeps getting repeated ad nauseam on news channels across the country, a confused President Joe Biden couldn't help but think that the word "Palestine" sounded…
UFC Hires Bud Light Spokesperson Dylan Mulvaney To Attract More Diverse Fans
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA-- In an effort to try and attract a much larger audience, UFC CEO Dana White made a bold move by hiring trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney to be…
Israel Makes War Friendlier By Putting Smiley Faces On Bombs Before Dropping Them
GAZA-- In an effort to make the horrors of war a little more pleasant, Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has ordered IDF personnel to place large smiley face stickers on…
Doctors Warn Having A Heart Puts You At Greater Risk Of A Heart Attack
NEW BRUNSWICK, NEW JERSEY-- A groundbreaking study has made the news this week after medical researchers at Robert Wood Johnson Medical School discovered that having a heart can surprisingly increase…
Netanyahu Announces Israel’s Invasion Of Poland
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a fiery speech on top of a darkened palace balcony to announce the mobilization of the Israel Defense Forces to attack and…
RINO Republicans Nominate Actual Speaker For House Speaker After Ousting Jim Jordan
WASHINGTON-- After taking a secret vote to remove Ohio Representative Jim Jordan from becoming the new speaker, a group of RINO Republicans were pleased to announce that they have found…
Biden Sticks His Chin Out To Help Get Humanitarian Aid To Gaza
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- While boarding Air Force One to depart Israel, President Joe Biden gave a brief press conference with news reporters about his willingness to stick his chin out…
Zelensky Changes Look To Try And Get More Money As Ukraine Support Wanes
KIEV, UKRAINE-- As the money began drying up due to more Americans losing interest in Ukraine and now supporting Israel, Volodymyr Zelensky decided to change his image by modeling himself…
Biden Flies To Israel To Check In With His Boss
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- A worried and subservient President Joe Biden flew to Israel today after he was summoned by his Israeli boss Benjamin Netanyahu to go over in person what…
Trump Learns Sign Language To Get Around Judge’s Gag Order
PALM BEACH, FLORIDA-- After a federal judge barred Donald Trump from speaking about certain aspects of his hush money case, the former president came up with a brilliant idea to…
