OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney unveiled a new foreign-policy initiative Saturday that will allow Canada to determine which country it will sell out to next by spinning a giant prize wheel containing the names of nations currently interested in strengthening their relationship with Ottawa.
The brightly colored wheel, unveiled at a press conference in Ottawa, features several of Canada’s most important trading partners, including the United States, China, India and the European Union, with officials reportedly adding new countries whenever Canada establishes a sufficiently deep economic, political or diplomatic relationship with them.
“For too long, Canada has been held back by unnecessary debate and diplomacy,” Mark Carney said, gripping the pegs of the prize wheel. “Today, we’re letting the free market decide who gets Canada next. Elbows up, everybody, and let’s see which country takes advantage of Canada next.”
While conservatives condemned the spectacle as a grotesque betrayal of the nation, liberals praised the Prime Minister’s “refreshingly transparent approach to selling out the country.”
At press time, Carney was reportedly preparing to spin the prize wheel again after it repeatedly landed on countries Canada had already sold itself to.
