MONTECITO, CALIFORNIA– Only months after they had their first date, global pop sensation Katy Perry and her boyfriend, Canada’s former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, announced they are expecting a child together, with Trudeau beaming with pride as he let the world know that he is the one carrying the baby.
The couple revealed they used a combination of IVF, prayers to Gaia, and Trudeau’s years of practice carrying his ego to conceive naturally.
“Justin’s always been the real woman in this relationship,” said Katy Perry, beaming with pride. “When Justin told me he wanted to be the one to experience pregnancy, I thought, ‘Of course, he has a vagina.’ I’m on tour, and Justin’s schedule has really opened up since, you know, not being Prime Minister anymore. Plus, he’s already mastered the pregnancy glow.”
Clad in a flowing maternity gown and matching rainbow-colored scrunchie, Trudeau, 53, cradled his visibly swollen belly while Katy Perry, 41, lovingly stroked his distended baby bump.
“This is a dream come true!” Trudeau cooed, his voice dripping with saccharine glee. “I always wanted to be a mother. As a proud feminist and champion of women’s rights, I always knew I had a womb with a view!”
The couple plans to raise their child in a gender-neutral, trans-friendly environment filled with puberty blockers and Justin’s tampons. Trudeau has already begun writing a children’s book about his pregnancy journey, titled “The Prime Minister’s Pouch: A Man’s Quest to Redefine Masculinity (Again).”
The baby is due early next year, just in time for Toronto’s Pride Parade, where Trudeau has promised to march topless while chest-feeding and reciting the entirety of The Vagina Monologues.
